Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tips for a Cleaner House in Under 30 Minutes


Today with the weather gloomy the thought actually crossed my mind to cease the moment and...

[wait for it, wait for it]

CLEAN MY HOUSE while Baby Cookie was at school! As I approached the forbidden closet...you know the one that holds the vacuum, mop and all the cleaning tools that I should be using a little more often.

[Standing In front of the All Mighty Vacuum in all it's Glory!]

I thought to myself there has got to be a better way to get this all done in one hour or less. So referring to the source that has all the answers to life's little problems aka Google, I typed in House Cleaning Tips for New Mothers.

Low and Behold, there it was the simple steps to cleaning my house in....30 Minutes or less.

Now I need to Caution you, if you're a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this list is NOT for you. However, for the rest of you Rookie / Veteran Mom’s, this is my chance to share 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that our mother's never told us. 30 Minutes or Less! Somethings are just worth trying.

SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days, much less 30 minutes, employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that you accidentally locked the door and can't find the key. Of course, the locksmith can't possibly come until tomorrow. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds

SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes

SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming.
Time: 2 minutes

SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS
Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here.
Time: 2.5 minutes

SECRET TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERS
Like Secret Tip 4, except even bigger.
Time: 3 minutes

SECRET TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES
No bed should be without one. Devotees of Martha Stewart believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a dust ruffles highest and best use is to hide whatever you've managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.)
Time: 4 minutes

SECRET TIP 7: DUSTING
The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under what you can dust around.
Time: 3 minutes

SECRET TIP 8: DISHES
Don't use them. Use plastic or paper plates and you won't have to.
Time: 1 minute

SECRET TIP 9: CLOTHES WASHING (EEWWW)
This secret tip is brought to you by an inventive teenager. When this teens mother went on a housekeeping strike for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear by two ...if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rerun it. CAUTION: This tip is recommended only for teens and those who don't care if they get in a car wreck.
Time: 3 seconds

SECRET TIP 10: IRONING
If an article of clothing doesn't require a full press and your hair does, a curling iron is the answer. In between curling your hair, use the hot wand to iron minor wrinkles out of your clothes. Yes, it really does work, or so I'm told, by other disciples of the 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House philosophy.
Time: 5 minutes (including curling your hair)

SECRET TIP 11: VACUUMING
Stick to the middle of the room, which is the only place people look. Don't bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes way too long and no one looks there anyway.
Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only

SECRET TIP 12: LIGHTING
The key here is low, low, and lower. It's not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt.
Time: 10 seconds

SECRET TIP 13: BED MAKING
Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you, oh, hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime.
Time: 0

SECRET TIP 14: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS
Forget one and two. Concentrate on three.
Time: 1 minute

SECRET TIP 15:
If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don't even think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home

Now of course there will be feedback to follow on which tips were a success and others that I will need save for the next rainy day...

Let me know which ones work for you!

1 comment:

Ashlyn said...

That's hilarious :)